Gettin' around is hard to do

Travelers, visitors, erstwhile wanderers, listen up:

Twelve Things Not To Do In An Amjad*
*Sudanese mini-buses for hire

1. Do not flag a driver on an emptyish street around 6:30 p.m. He is probably on his way home.
2. Do not tell said driver you know your destination when, in fact, you do not.
3. “It’s just down there!” does not constitute “knowing.”
4. Do not tell driver that your destination is near major landmarks if it isn’t.
5. Do not rely on passersby for information about your supposedly prominent destination.
6. Also do not rely on supposed friends whose cell phones are turned off.
7. Or friends who give crappy verbal directions.
8. Do not encourage driver to drive recklessly past armed men down a closed street.
9. Do not make driver turn around more than once.
10. Do not give too many backseat-driving orders.
11. Do not insist on being driven still farther when the driver is visibly angry.
12. When your goal is to see a speech by UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon (at the International Friendship Hall, no less), don’t rely on public transportation in Sudan!

Addendum: If you miss Ban Ki-Moon by 15 minutes, just say “fuck it” and instead attend expatriate-laden party at the embassy of a European country.